Chocolate CalorieMate Block

10 06 2007

Calorie Mate

Those of you who have played Metal Gear Solid 3 will be familiar with this, because that’s how CalorieMate was made famous to us. I remember Snake eating these and uttering the words ‘Mmm…delicious!’, but then again he said the same after eating cheap instant ramen, and after eating actual snakes, so would I agree with him?

In Japan they have Jack Bauer, star of 24, advertising this. The yellow box these come in is home to a massive wall of text, on the front is one huge, long paragraph going into detail about CalorieMate, it then lists the ingredients and nutritional information all in this one long paragraph, which takes up one entire side of the box.

But what is CalorieMate? Well, it’s shortbread. Flavoured shortbread that is. I saw three flavours when I ordered these: Chocolate, Apple and…Vegetable, you won’t be surprised to know that I chose Chocolate flavour. Inside the box are 2 packs, in each pack are 2 shortbread fingers. They’re not very long, but are very thick. They look exactly like normal shortbread fingers, only they’re brown.

And they’re so, so dry. Perhaps because of a lack of sugar, or milk or whatever it is that makes shortbread moist, these just suck all the saliva from your mouth. And they taste stale too, the chocolate flavour is really poor. Just a tasteless, cheap chocolate flavouring, that really isn’t that chocolatey. Mmm delicious? Not quite I’m afraid, and I don’t even want to imagine what Vegetable flavour is like.

The entire box contains 400 calories, 8.7g of Protein (pretty good there), 22.7g of Fat and 40g of Carbs. I don’t really recommend these though, unless you want to pretend to be Snake or Jack Bauer.

Update: Potato flavour CalorieMate is being sold on J-List right now. Any brave soul up to the task of reviewing this?

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9 responses

10 06 2007
babycakes

mmm calling them caloriemate doesnt make them very appetising lol 😀

9 07 2007
rewetzel1

I eat these things sometimes as they’re cheap and easily available all over japan. Honestly I think “cheese” is the better of the flavors.

9 07 2007
Terry

That says a lot about the product then if cheese is its best flavour. 😛

2 01 2009
Concetta

CHEESE???????!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and babycakes, I totally agree that calling them caloriemate dosen’t make them soung yummy. Anyway, I’m not surprised they’re called caloriemate. 400 calories per box. I worked it out and I think there are 100 calories per shortbread finger. I think. :-I

26 02 2009
Plaid

They’re good if you want to lose weight. They’ve got lots of fiber and protein, and they make you feel very full when you eat them.

As far as taste goes, well — there’s a reason why MREs and Meal Replacement Systems don’t have the wonderful taste of real food.

23 05 2010
sam

honestly dunno what you guys are all on about… they taste fine. I had the chocolate one tonight for the first time cos i was looking for a quick snack before a workout and it was good. Sure, its very dry, but it goes down nicely with a glass of milk. Flavour is good considering it’s a quick snack… frankly i’d prefer to sacrifice a bit of flavour for healthiness in this kinda thing

2 04 2012
Bob

They’re designed as a portable meal replacement with a long shelf-life to keep in your disaster bag in case of earthquake, although they are also bought and sold as a snack food. They are excellent at doing what they are supposed to do (preventing you starving or getting malnourished while you wait for help) but if you’re looking for a delicious mid afternoon snack , you might want something else! I’ve tried most of them, they all taste broadly the same (like dry not very sweet shortbread) with a hint of whatever flavour they are supposed to be. Even the potato one tastes ok and, if you’re stuck without real food for a week, even the strangest flavour is going to make a nice change from the same old chocolate after the first few identical “meals”.

6 04 2012
Zak

“They’re called MRE’s. They’re not home cookin’ but they work.”
“Hmm… Can you keep a secret? I actually like these better than Rose’s cooking…”
“…That bad, huh?”
Lol, I wonder if Snake and Raiden were talking about Calorie Mates?

24 12 2013
Eric

Just tried the maple ones, no idea why you think so bad of them but i love them, which is a problem, since they should deliver everything you need for a whole meal….and gladly they satisfy your hunger pretty good, yet they taste so good i have to put the rest away before starting to eat them.Also its ironic that kiefer sutherland is advertising them since he is the new snake for the upcoming metal gear solid 5 😛 If you one of those people with a lack of appetite or time for a good and balanced meal, calorie mate is just for you. It contains all nutritions and vitamins you need for a balanced meal. First i thought they’d be too dry but actually, after the first bite, i was proven wrong. i really can recommend them and i’m very sure i will try the other ones too

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