Those of you who have played Metal Gear Solid 3 will be familiar with this, because that’s how CalorieMate was made famous to us. I remember Snake eating these and uttering the words ‘Mmm…delicious!’, but then again he said the same after eating cheap instant ramen, and after eating actual snakes, so would I agree with him?
In Japan they have Jack Bauer, star of 24, advertising this. The yellow box these come in is home to a massive wall of text, on the front is one huge, long paragraph going into detail about CalorieMate, it then lists the ingredients and nutritional information all in this one long paragraph, which takes up one entire side of the box.
But what is CalorieMate? Well, it’s shortbread. Flavoured shortbread that is. I saw three flavours when I ordered these: Chocolate, Apple and…Vegetable, you won’t be surprised to know that I chose Chocolate flavour. Inside the box are 2 packs, in each pack are 2 shortbread fingers. They’re not very long, but are very thick. They look exactly like normal shortbread fingers, only they’re brown.
And they’re so, so dry. Perhaps because of a lack of sugar, or milk or whatever it is that makes shortbread moist, these just suck all the saliva from your mouth. And they taste stale too, the chocolate flavour is really poor. Just a tasteless, cheap chocolate flavouring, that really isn’t that chocolatey. Mmm delicious? Not quite I’m afraid, and I don’t even want to imagine what Vegetable flavour is like.
The entire box contains 400 calories, 8.7g of Protein (pretty good there), 22.7g of Fat and 40g of Carbs. I don’t really recommend these though, unless you want to pretend to be Snake or Jack Bauer.
Update: Potato flavour CalorieMate is being sold on J-List right now. Any brave soul up to the task of reviewing this?